Take my chips, please.

A note from an irritated dad to every snack food/cereal maker and the packaging professionals they hire: Can you make an easy open bag? Seriously, how hard could that be?

Almost without exception, if the bag is inside a box (cereal, goldfish, pop tarts, you name it), the top is crimped and sealed so tight I have to pull with all my strength to get it to give way. But I have to be careful to stop pulling the moment it opens, so I only open the top of the bag. More often, in the split-second after the impenetrable seams do part (how strong is that plastic anyway?), the bag splits right down the side. How in the name of material science can the seam be so hard to open, but the bag splits open like it’s been sliced with a Ginsu knife? The foil bags are the worst. The top seam is impossible to open, but they shred down the side the exact way I want them to open on top. Grrr…

I remember a few years ago when the bags were wax paper, they had politely folded tops, which opened with ease, and did a fine job of staying folded, even if the box was on it’s side in the cupboard.

I get it that plastic is cheaper and more sterile. I am happy that they are thinking of my kid’s health and keeping prices down. But don’t these people ever open one of their own products? Have they considered how much business they’re driving to ZipLoc with all the bags that are shredding in the average American kitchen (is there some inside deal there like the oil, gas and tire folks who bought the Red Car)? With all the cool technology the world has to offer, is this such a difficult task?

I see easy open seams on bag products all the time. When they are not in a box, I guess those folks have to step up their game. Frozen food, chips, pirate booty. They have a perforated rip cord on the top, and a zip loc seal built in. I don’t need both, I would just like the rip cord. Is that too much to ask?

Don’t tell me to use scissors either. Dad’s don’t do scissors. We like to open the bag like we used to bench press back in high school – with our arms out wide, clenched teeth and a manly grunt. We don’t get much chance to show our muscles around the house. But it’s not so cool to be strutting our testosterone-challenged stuff on a gnarly bag of snacks, just to have the contents spill all over the place. A rare chance to impress the kids (in our mind, anyway) turns into another Daddy the Buffoon moment. Not cool. Besides, anyone knows that if you cut the top of the bag with scissors, all smooth and neat like you see on TV commercials, they won’t stay rolled like they do when you leave the seams. Then you need a chip clip to close it. We never have enough chip clips, and invariably the only one around is 2 feet long with a weak spring. And they don’t keep the bag closed well until it’s empty enough to roll the top down. And kids don’t do chip clips. Ask any dad.

So dudes, we have cars that can park themselves, supercomputers in the palm of our hands, and remote control robots that crash land on Mars, then keep working… can’t you just fix this?

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